Please Daddy, Don't Cry

I had one of those moments of total heartache earlier this evening. As Michelle and I sat together just talking, as we do every evening, I came to realize something. (By the way, this sitting together just talking every evening - what a great habit for any couple to get into.) As we sat there I was telling Michelle that I was once again stunned by the sight of one of Kelly's pictures from the day Janie Beth died. Kelly happened to catch on film the very moment that, as I was carrying Janie Beth from the NICU to Michelle's room, Janie Beth looked up and was looking directly at her Dad as he carried her ever so tenderly. And then Michelle and I, as we talked through the events of that night came to realize that we cannot remember Janie Beth opening her eyes at any other time during those few minutes of life that we had left to share with her. The last time Janie Beth opened her eyes was to look at her Dad as if to say; "I trust you, Daddy." WOW!



Now after more than just a few tears I began to reflect on that image. You cannot tell from the picture, but at the time I was crying so hard and just telling my little girl that I loved her and to hold on; I kept telling her that I was taking her to Mommy. Janie Beth did not look at her Dad or her Mom anymore because all her attention was focused on breathing as she slipped into God's warm embrace. I told Michelle this evening that if Janie Beth could truly talk to us from beyond death's door I believe it would be to say;

"Mommy, Daddy, please don't cry. As you were so lovingly holding me that night, I took my first truly unlabored and easy breath. And Daddy, the air here in Heaven is oh so warm and glorious. As you wept tears of anguish over my body, I wept tears of joy because I got to meet Jesus face to face (He really is cool Dad, you will like Him even more when you see Him). Did you know Mommy, that my little arms and stubby legs are not a hindrance to me at all? I can play and enjoy these streets of gold without any difficulty. Mommy, Daddy, please don't cry...God has everything under control. He sees your pain and heartache, and He does understand. Mommy, Daddy, I am truly happy here...and God told me that He was going to wipe away your tears. It might take a while, but He loves you too much not to do just as He says. So, Mommy, Daddy, I know you are sad, but please, don't cry for me...I will see you again, and I will show you the sights. And yes, since I am a Karr, even with my little itty bitty chest and tiny lungs, I can still talk non-stop...I will be the best tour guide heaven has ever seen when you get here. But until that day, Mommy, Daddy, please don't cry."


I am trying dear one not to cry. And I rejoice that you can breath, run and play. I do believe in God; in His love, tender care and the plan I cannot yet understand. Janie Beth, please understand that if I cry it is because I miss you and do so look forward to seeing you again.

"He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces...and it will be said in that day; 'Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him; we will be glad and rejoice in His salvation.'" (Isaiah 25:8-9)

"You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know because God is for me." (Psalm 56:8-9)

Dear God, I thank You that You are for me and have promised to wipe away my tears. For after all they are plentiful and powerful. May I be able to rejoice with Janie Beth as she begins her unending life with You, and find peace and joy in the certain knowledge that because Jesus abides in my heart, I will run and play with her on Your streets of gold. Thank You God for Your promises, presence and peace during these dark times. May Your light continue to shine bright on us this night. Amen.